Mood:  cheeky

Hello friends and fans of Timothy's Retreat. It's been a while. Way back on Tuesday the 19th August I wrote a message here that I was going to give you the scoop on my best friend and brother Adrian.  I got his permission to write the blog. I actually finished writing it early in September. But due to illness and lots of drama going on in my life; I just never have gotten around to posting it here.  I'm ashamed to say that it kind of left my mind. That was until earlier today when my brother asked. "Hey Baby Boy you never did tell me what your friends said about your scoop on me" I swear I was thinking OMG!. I had told him that I was gonna post it here as soon as I felt better. That was a long time ago. So I lied and told him that you guys thought he was awesomesauce and loved hearing about our past. LOL

So, here it is. If you want to scroll down to 19 August first to read my notice first about the scoop. Do that now and then come back to read this blog. Thanks in advance.

I've known Adrian since I was a kid. We lived in the same neighborhood. He's older than me; So we never really hung out together. He was usually with an older crowd but we did know of each other. I remember when his dad died and he and his mother moved away soon afterward.

Years later when I moved to Northern Virginia, we ran into each other. Had a few mutual friends, Saw each other at parties, etc. I was in this on again off again open relationship with a guy (that I can't mention how old I was when we first got together) Because it's a little complicated.

Anyway, I ran into Ade one night at a party. We started talking more and hanging out in a friendly way . We got to be so close that if something was bugging me or I needed to talk; I'd call him. Back in those days I had a mega-load of psychological problems and other issues. I wasn't very compliant with my meds and even when I was taking them things would get bad for me. He was just about the only person that would listen to me and be supportive.

One major thing that brought us together was his amazing ability to get my crazy hair under control. He always calls it my crowning glory and would get pissed when I cut it. His momma taught him how to take care of hair. He got a lot of training for that. After he finished professional studies; His mom helped him to open his first place. He has 2 or 3 now.  He hired other stylists and barbers. Rarely works in any of them anymore. He has private clients and takes care of my head personally whenever I need it. He bought his momma a big ass house in Maryland. Adrian pretty much does whatever he feels like doing. LOL

He does a lot of giving to the DC, Maryland and Va. communites. Especially the homeless. I don't know how many times I've hung out with him and his crew and helped give out food, Blankets, etc to people in need. I've been scared sometimes when we've been surrounded at underpasses by people waiting for us to hand them sandwiches and whatever else he's bought that day. My brother is a big guy with a big heart and people respect him.

Now before I make him out to be a male version of Mother Teresa; He insisted that I make sure to add that he loves a party. Loves going to em and throwing em. He's a playa and a Thug loving O.G.  ....Ok that's what he asked me to add. . (His momma would be so proud) XD

I got to know his mom because she would come to visit him and I'd come over and have dinner. Momma said that she remembers me when I was a kid. I was that tiny little kid that was always crying while his big sis dragged him all over the neighborhood. The LOUD Little girl who was always yelling at Adrian and other kids in the neighborhood. *puts face in palm* For the love of........

Ok, back to the scoop. Some people have asked me if Adrian and I have ever been lovers. The answer is NO. I'm gonna be honest here because as I said I asked his permission to tell this and he said that it was okay.

One night he and I were hanging out at his house. Shooting the breeze. Having a few drinks. So I asked him why he never made any real passes at me. Once in a while he would make a joke pass but that was it. I'd had a slight crush on him but I'd fallen into a comfy friend mode with him. I also figured that one day he'd grab me and I'd probably let him. So sitting there feeling a little high and horny I opened that dialogue. So he went on about us being friends for so long and he felt it would be wrong of him to hit on me. So while he was going on about reasons. I decided to push the issue a little. I put my drink down and started undressing.

He stopped talking and just stared at me for a long minute. Finally he said " Ok, what the hell" or something like that. He came over to me, and stood less than a few inches away while I finished stripping down to my briefs. Before I could go any further he picked me up into his arms and took me to his bedroom. Put me on his bed while he got undressed and then pulled me close......Then stopped......

So like I said I was horny and kept trying to keep this heat going. That's when I realized that  he was trying to make me stop. He sat up and pulled me into his lap. Then he said that he couldn't do this with me. Okaaaaaay

He went on to say that he'd never had a close friendship like ours and that he'd never met anyone like me. He said that he didn't want to do anything to ruin things. And having sex would probably wreck everything. At the time in my head all I heard was (he doesn't want me because I'm a drunk a whore and crazy as a bedbug) I was really hurt at first; but we talked almost half the night. I fell asleep in his arms.

The next day he was up before I woke up. We both had a slight hangover but he made me breakfast. Pancakes & applesauce. Plus a huge glass of water. I'll never forget that. We became best friends then.

As fate would have it; My on again, Off again Ex boyfriend ,Lewis came back into my life. And for a time Adrian and I slowly drifted out of touch.....But not for too long. After Lewis and I broke up I went though some bad times.The break up was horrible.  Then out of the blue; Adrian showed up. He had no idea I had gotten so ill. He had run into a mutual friend who told him that I was a wreck and pretty much alone and needed help. Once Adrian found out He went into full on Big Brother mode. Called his momma for advice and she told him to "Bring that baby to me" That's what she told him to do. So I got taken to his momma and  after a while I became part of that wonderful extended family.

Good times and bad times.. lovers who come and go...Adrian has been there for me. He used to always say that I was like a brother to him. Now he just calls me his brother.

Thanks so much for reading this.

As usual I ask that you not post comments here. I don't come over here that often. Tripod has some issue with my Yahoo. There are times when I get no notification that anyone has posted a comment. Other times the comments go straight to spam bucket and ends up deleted before I can retrieve it. So just let me know if you have any comments by writing to myspace, Yim or email. Thanks again.

Posted by stardancer at 6:39 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Hey there! To any of my friends who have to take anti-psych meds. You will understand what I'm about to say here.In my last post I stated that it was my last here ever.

Well when I wrote that I was going through some deeply hurtful issues. And on top of that my system was also getting use to a new anti-psych med schedule. To make it short. I'm doing much better now. Still going through some major issues but got somewhat of a handle on things.

Around 8 of my best online friends reminded me that I had promised to post the blog about my foster brother. It had been finished for weeks, but due to illness, drama, meds , etc. It's been sitting in my private journal. So I promise to post it within the next couple of weeks.

I don't plan to delete this blogspace. Actually I'm considering upgrading it so I can get rid of all these ads.

So, Thank's so much for checking this site as often as you do. I was shocked to get so many emails and messages from friends asking about the blog that I had promised. Also for the messages asking me not to close down the site.

I'm just giving it a little break for a while.  You know my deviant lil ass won't stay gone but so long.

Luv, hugs and kisses   <(^_^)>

Posted by stardancer at 2:03 PM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

If you are over here reading this blog then I sadly have to report that this is more than likely the last blog of Timothy's Retreat. A few days ago something happened and It's changed my life forever. Someone that I trusted very much hurt me.

I know that if he had been thinking logically he would never have intentionally did what he did. I can't go into detail but it left me feeling that I've been very naive thinking that my open attitude about sex would not ever come back to kick me in the ass. It did and It's left me sad and afraid.

I've decided to be more careful with what I post and to keep my personal life to myself.

For friends who have sent me messages of support..I want to thank you so much. I'm doing better physically but emotionally I still a little wrecked. It's gonna be a long time before I heal completely.

Thanks for reading my blogs.  *hugs you all*

Posted by stardancer at 11:15 AM EST

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

A few days a go I woke up with this poem in my head. I wrot it in my journal an finished it while eatin break fast. Now that Im gettin better and its not as hard as it was to write and type. I thought Iwould post . Im finally at the point of recovery that if I go slowly an take my time typing I do ok.

So whether any one reads this or not this blog is an ex ercise in patience for me.

                My Everything Is Gone Away

Would you touch me...Would you hold me

I need someone to make me forget that all is gone away

Would you taste me...Would you kiss every inch of my skin

I want someone to make me forget that all is gone away

Would you make me yours for now....

As you slowly push into me

Just make me forget that my Everything...my All is gone away

****************************************

Thank you for reading this 

Posted by stardancer at 6:51 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

Or as soon as my best friend/brother gives me permission: The scoop about our relationship between each other. I get a lot of questions. Especially from new friends about him. Since I do mention him a lot.

Lately, I've been asked questions like:

1. How long have I known him?

2. Why do I call him my foster bro?

3. And the question that gets asked a lot IRL and online: Have He and I been closer in a less than brotherly way? i.e. Romantically involved.

I've answered the third question briefly, but I think it needs a truthful and more detailed answer.

I'm gonna dish about him as soon as he says its alright. I do feel that he will give his ok. I've already told him some of what I'm writing about him. He's just a little bit worried that he'll come off as a jerk. I have a lot of respect and love for him. He's no jerk. Believe me.

One more reminder before I head off into the myst. Send comments to my email, myspace, YIM or wherever else you usually contact me. The comment box does not always work well. It's sent comments straight to my spam box to be deleted. I don't always get notified about new comments from here.  I do know that if I paid more money; I'd have lots more security than what I have built here. Maybe even a better blog space. But I'm not even sure if I'm gonna keep this yet.

Thanks for coming by and being my inspiration to keep blogging here.

Keep checking. I should have the next blog here in a few days.

*jumps into your arms, wraps my arms and legs around ya as I give you lots of kisses*  (Sorry, I just couldn't resist)

<(^_^)>

Posted by stardancer at 9:50 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

I'm waiting for him to finish his shower so we can go to breakfast. I want waffles and strawberries. LOL . Since I have a few minutes I thought I'd sit down and write.

I love when he comes to spend time with me. I usually pretend that it's no big deal when he calls, but I end up asking him over from time to time.

He knows that when I get *that* urge. He's the one that I need and trusts not to hurt me; Although a little bit of pain is good.

Gentle hurt that leaves no scars. He worries sometimes about our games and about being inside of me too many times. He knows that when I get like that I want it a lot. So he sometimes uses my toys to give me extra pleasure if I need more. Like I did last night.

He always laughs and says things like " Oh, to be so young again and be able to get hard so soon afterward like you do"

I remember when he used to say that as long as I have you in my life; I'll never grow old".  He even had it posted in his sig in cyberspace. I used to get this proud warm feeling inside whenever I read that because I knew he wrote that about me.

Now that we're just Friends with Benifits does he feel that he's getting old? I really want to ask him that? But I won't. I admit that sometimes I get a little sad that all the plans that we made for the future are null and void due to the fact that he's wearing a wedding ring and is legally married to someone who is definitely not me.

That wedding ring...The first time he fukd me after getting married; he asked if he should take off the ring when he's with me. I told him that it was a silly question. He can keep his ring on if he wants too. What's he gonna do? Take it off and we both put our commitment rings back on?

To be perfectly honest, I threw my commitment ring somewhere out into the Potomac river basin when we first broke up.

But I've grown comfortable being his FWB. I don't think about any of this when he pulls me close under his body and slowly pushes into me.  I know what this is all about and he does, too. I just wrap my legs around his body, follow his rhythm and lose myself for the moment.

Thanks for reading my blog and have a great weekend.

Posted by stardancer at 8:57 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

So, on to the second party of Sunday morning July 19th.

I knew the guy who was having the party. He was throwing this for a couple of his friends who were moving soon. He has this  huge house outside of town. Close enough to get there quickly; But far enough down a lane that he has total privacy. Which is a good thing.

He had a live DJ on one side of the house. Anything you wanted to eat and if you didn't see it one of the caterer's staff would prepare it for you. Any type of beverage you wanted was available too. So after my first shot of walker/gold; I started wishing that we had just skipped the first party and came straight over to this one.  Although it was the wee hours of the morning the party was in full gear.  Men, Men everywhere. Men dancing, touching, kissing, lovin. It was like stepping into a slice of heaven. As I walked around I kept thinking "Damn it feels so good to be having good times like these again" I joined in and started dancing. Talked to a lot of cool people; The host included. He hadn't seen me in a while. Although he'd kept in touch while I was sick. When he realized that I'd come along with my brother, he told anyone and everyone standing near us. I got so many hugs and squeezes from so many guys. A bunch of them that I didn't even know

I guess one of the highlights of the night was discovering that one of the large rooms had been turned into a mini strip club. I am serious The host had set it up that anytime more than 8 to 10 people gathered in there, The strippers would do their act. So when I walked in they were doing their thing. I also found my bro , his date and some of our gang up near the platform. They swore that they were just on their way to find me. *Right!*

The strippers were fantastic. A bit overly muscled for my taste, but I did enjoy one of the smaller guys. He was working the hell out of the pole. He was cute. Medium length dark hair and gray eyes. I love gray eyes. So I could hardly keep my eyes off of him. As he swung around the pole, did headstands where he seemed to defied gravity by pushing his body back up the pole. Then slowly coming back down.

I don't usually carry a lot of cash around with me, but when you're hanging out with my brother; You have to prepare for anything and I sure made good use of the cash that I had on hand. The host had anticipated this and had a caterer who was busting up bills for the party.

Needless to say I shoved a lot of bills into shorts. Especially the boy who was working the pole. I know that I spent more money than I should have, but I enjoyed watching him crawl toward me on the platform. He gave off heat that smelled peppery. It was everywhere. Even in his hair. One time when he danced near me, I added more bills to his shorts with one hand and he didn't even pull away when I took a few strands of his hair in my hands, up to my nose and took a deep wiff. Since he was concentrating solely on me and of course..my money. I tried to be sneaky and kept moving my hand closer to that big bulge that he was sporting. It was pretty impressive. Then just as I decided that I should behave. He grabbed my hand and and slid it quickly down the front of his shorts.  I was pretty startled.  As soon as he did that he slid away from me to dance some more and work the pole. I decided with that break in connection that it was time for me to go in search of food and more drink.

I had some food and a little more to drink. Was dancing alone when up walked my favorite stripper. We talked a little and then he surprised me by saying that he'll give me a private dance in another part of the house. No charge because he loved my eyes. He said they were beautiful, but scary. Okaay (?)  He told me that he liked *scary*  I just laughed because my inner voice was saying to me "Boy just wants the rest of the cash"

Anyway, I got turned on while we were dancing. Him with his hot peppery self. What the Hell? So I told him to wait and I'd be right back.. I found my brother  pressing his date up into a corner..making out like crazy. I was gonna walk away when he noticed me. Actually his date was facing me and started going "mmm" . My brother obviously had his mouth busy. LOL Finally my bro stopped kissing him and asked me what was going on. I apologized for breaking up their lip locking moment and asked him to hold my wallet because I was about to enjoy a private moment with one of the strippers. He laughed, took my wallet and other loose bills. He told me to make it quick because it was almost time to head out. I asked him how quick and he said 30 minutes or less

I told him that I as getting a lap dance. The told me that he and his boyfriend had gotten one earlier and really enjoyed it. The had one of the other guys, though. Not my gray-eyed beauty. So off I went to find him. He was near the same spot that I'd left him. He took my hand and pulled me along. we walked downstairs, way to the back of the house and into a surprisingly cute room. It looked too much like a dorm room, though.

He told me to sit in a recliner in the middle of the room. He turned on a Itunes boombox and suddenly LL Cool J comes on blasting "Going Back to Cali" For some reason; Probably because I'm half drunk I want to laugh so badly. I just never expected him to play that. I'm trying hard to suppress giggles because when I was a little kid I'd see that video and always imagined that scene where the camera slowly moves from one dancing girl to another and would stop on *ME* working my ass off in my school uniform. People would be saying "Who's that little kid in his khakis, shirt and tie. Look at him work it"  Afterward LL would come over to me , look down, lick his lips and say. "Hey babyboy, You worked it better than those girls did"  XD  Ok , I had a very active imagination when I was a kid. LOL

So as I said I was still trying to suppress drunken giggles as I watch him move his hips and shake his cute bum when he suddenly dances toward the light switch and dials it down a notch. He danced toward me and as soon as he gets close he starts peeling off his shorts until he's down to a black jock. That's when I let out a perfect Jason Mews: "OH"......

I was hynotized by that black jock. He danced his way to me and gave me one of the most unforgettable lapdances *Ever*. I kept trying to touch him, but he kept grabbing my hands, shoving them back and up over my head. I think the fact that he was bigger and stronger than me made it that much hotter. WOW!

Anyway, I left that room a very, very happy person. I ran into my brother back upstairs. He and his date both had happy drunken expressions on their faces, too,  We gathered up everyone. Found DD*designated driver* fast asleep in the arms of our host. We had to wait around until he found his pants. Then we spent a few more minutes searching for his wallet until he remembered that he'd left it in the SUV and had been borrowing cash from some of our other friends to give to the strippers.

Finally we all head out to breakfast at a local pancake house, irritated a a few early morning customers by our loud drunken conversations. But finally settled down and politely finished eating.  Our DD then dropped each of us at our homes and apartments.

I was next to last. My bro and his date got out of the SUV to hive me hugs and good nights. It was actually near dawn. I told my bro and his date thanks for helping me with me out earlier with my friend and his poor cat. I also mentioned that I was really stoked to have been able to hang with my bro. I'd had a weekend that I'd never forget. Starting with the midnight showing of *Dark Knight* . He hugged me and said that he'd enjoyed spending time with me, too. Then he grabbed my face and kissed me on my forehead at those places where I'd had the halo attached during the brain surgery. I told him that his momma/my foster mom does the same thing sometimes. He said that she does it for the same reason that he does. I asked why and he said that he knows he doesn't say it enough but he loves me and is so happy that I'm  his brother and part of his family.

That was a cool thing to say. So we all got into another hug fest until our DD broke it up and told me to go in and take my drunken ass to bed. Then he herded my bro and his boyfriend back into the vehicle. I watched for a little while as they drove off. Stood there with what I know had to be a stupid happy smile on my face.  I also started thinking about the fact that I'd probably regret all of late Saturday and early Sunday once I woke up later in the day.

Thanks so much for reading this blog. These last blogs are my favorite diary/journal entries. I just wanted to finish getting these posted to share with you. I just smile whenever I re-read these. I may have had just a tad too much fun hanging out like that. But I had a blast and nobody rocks or shows you a good time like my brother.

Now get out of my blog space ,go party and have lots of fun , safe sex

Posted by stardancer at 10:59 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

If you haven't read my blog of the same name at myspace; Then I suggest that you read that first. This is just a continuation due to some strong sexual content.

As I wrote in the other blog; My brother said we had to get going because he had * places to go and people to do*  For some reason him saying that always makes me smile because the majority of the time when he says that it means that we're all about to have a major good time if you're heading out with him.

Unfortunately it had been a long time since I'd been able to hang; due to illness, drama going on in my life, etc. That's what made this past weekend outstanding. No illness, No drama, a much more healthier me long due for some adventure.

The first thing we did was stop off back at my place. I had to change out of my dirt covered clothes because after helping my friend bury his poor dead cat, I lost my balance. It was due to a sudden bad move on my part.

I was blowing my sad blue-eyed friend. Working him pretty good, I may add. At first he was running his fingers through my hair and whispering stuff to me that sounded like German/Russian (?)  Then when he came he slid his hands to the back of my head and slammed me hard against him. I almost choked swallowing him. When he finally eased up, I swung my hands back to keep myself from falling over. I still managed to get dirty. My knees were pretty much protected because before we started he had taken off his shirt and had me kneel on that *what a gentleman* Still because I lost my balance I ended up getting my shorts and shirt dirty, anyway.

So back to my place. After getting cleaned up. I took off with my Brother and our mates to a private house party. One of two that we stopped in early Sunday morning.  It was mixed gender: guys, girls, straights, gays, lesbians, bi's, etc. I have no idea whos' party this was was or what the occasion. Everyone knew my brother and welcomed us.  We all watched as my bro and his date walked off with the host and a few other people. We went searching for drinks and found a huge ice filled tub of beer and bottled water. Me and our designated driver grabbed water. I did because I was still a little buzzed from drinking earlier at my blue-eyed friends house. I wanted to pace myself a little because my bro had informed me when we first arrived that we would only be there for a short while and that the next party would have food and better drinks. In other words* the good shit*

The music was loud. Dancing sweaty people were everywhere, so I grabbed my friend DD (designated driver) and we danced like our asses where on fire for a while. That was until two pretty darkhaired girls wearing matching bras and panties came up and started dancing with us. DD kind of got a case of the ass because they were intruding on our dance  and just walked away. Oh well, I wanted to dance , so me and the girls danced like all three of our ass's were on fire. Finally, we stopped to get more beer and water for me. Then we all sat down to catch our breath. We talked. Both of them were wasted , so a lot of what they said made no sense. They did kept asking me if I thought they were pretty. I told them yes and they told me that I was pretty, too. After a few nonesense statements, I advised them that maybe they should ese up on the drinks and/or other *stuff* they had been indulging in. They laughed at me of course and asked if I wanted to go with them someplace private to *indulge* with them. I declined politely. So we talked a little more and I noticed that the more outspoken one was sitting with her legs all spread with the beer bottle up against her panties. I was like "What the hell is she doing? All that icy water from the bottle is gonna get her panties all wet. I was just about to open my mouth and say this when I realized just how that would sound. LOL. I decided to not worry about her panties and to get away from them both. I told them it was nice meeting them.

So, I was just about to get up when my brother comes up behind and asks what are you up to. *very very LOUDLY* The girls squealed and practically bell over the back of the chair trying to get to him.

He picked them both up as they put kisses all over his face. Then he dropped them back down to the chair where he pretended to bite them both on their panty clad *vi ja jas* He was making *grrrr* noises as they screamed like banshees. All the while my bro's date.DD, me and the rest of our mates stare like deer caught in headlights. So finally when they all get upright the funny banter continues and my Bro tells them that they *Wish*. He informs bra and panty girls that they would have to grow dicks first before he would ever go *there*.  He pinched them on their nips and asked up if we were ready to bounce. We all told the host bye. Got hugs from folks nearby and left. When we got into the SUV you know that we had questions. Lots of them. He said that he went way back with the guy and the ladies. He also said that if we ever met them anywhere else to be careful. Although they are associates he trusts him no further than he can throw him.  Him nor his girlfriend and sister.  WTF?  NO!

I said "Those girls? My brother said "Yes"  He looked at me and his date and said "End of Story for now". So we headed out to party #2.

Since this blog is going kind of long. I'll post the rest of Sunday morning in the next blog. I promise to finish posting this by tomorrow.

Thanks so much for reading my blogs here and at the other blog site.

As soon as I finish I'll let you know asap.   <(^_^)>

Posted by stardancer at 9:45 AM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink

I don't know. I don't think I care WTF people think of me anymore. Why do people think that I'm such a good person. Believe me; I'm not.

I know that they're not just together for financial security. My stupid ass really thought that at first. Not anymore. If that was the truth than he would have taken me up on my offer to pay his house note, car note, etc. That sort of sh!t only happens in soap operas and B movies.  Yes, I admit that I lost it a few days ago and offered him a large chunk of my personal savings if he would just ditch his bride to be.

Guess what? I found out that he is a much better person than I am. He turned me down. Wouldn't accept financial aide from me and even thanked me for everything that I'd already done for his family. But.............

He did come over in person to tell me this. Before he left we'd talked, yelled at each other and I'd thrown a knife at him, which got stuck up high in the side of my kitchen door. (never fight in the kitchen. Too many sharp objects)  Anyway, this lead to me being tackled as I was trying to run away.

I know that I said that I'd never let him touch me again; But when he grabbed me and was yelling less than a few inches from my face I was watching his mouth as close as I could. He let me go so I set down at the table and kept watching him. He had this golden ribbon floating out of his mouth and it was slowly working it's way all around his body. It started filling up the kitchen and everything was glowing. . I knew I was having a partial absense seizure so I didn't panic or anything. When I looked down to see if my hands were glowing like his were. He asked if I was ok because suddenly he was kneeling down at my chair touching my face. I told him I was fine. Which I really was.

Then I'm not sure who kissed who first, but before I knew it we were both naked and lying in the middle of my bed. My heart was beating like crazy as we kissed, licked and tasted every inch of each others body.

So afterwards we talked a little more and I have no idea where this is going for us. Probably nowhere because as soon as we both were showered and fully dressed; I wanted him gone. Nothing had changed. He was still gonna marry her.

After he left I spent a long time trying to find my puppy who had ran to hide as soon as the fight started. I felt pretty bad about scaring him like that.

What I didn't expect was that he would tell her about my financial offer. She called me from her party the night before the wedding. She asked to borrow some money from me. She said she was really short on some of the wedding expenses. She could'nt ask Him for anymore because he was broke. I told her I was sorry but No. I'd already spent 200 bucks just to make sure that her child looked beautiful for the wedding.

She got a raging case of the ass and started talking sh!t to me over the phone. I think it was mostly for the benefit of her girlfriends who were probably standing nearby. Anyway, my friends all know how that night ended. She and I both ended up in jail. Later the next evening, the wedding went off without a hitch. With me not there, obviously. I still can't believe that I was invited. 

So, that's the ugly truth. I was never drunk during either of these incidences. I bring it up because everyone keeps asking me. I can't even blame it on a case of the crazies. I use to could blame everything bizarre that happened to me on being fked in the head. But due to great modern medicine and surgery; My brain is healed now. (with the exception of a few rare tiny  seizure  moments)

I know that I get pissed off easily. Sex used to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside afterwards. Now after the rush stops, I feel mean and frustrated.  Maybe all the sh!t that I've been through over the past couple of years is catching up with me.

I'm too young to be an angry old fart yet.

I've got to get my mojo back somehow.

Thanks for reading my blog

@ The knife is still stuck up high in my kitchen door. I left it there as a warning.

Posted by stardancer at 7:08 PM EDT

Updated: Sunday, 22 June 2008 8:20 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink

I don't want you anymore. I don't even think I love you anymore. It amazes me how quickly I'm getting over you. I know it's very early. It may just be the shock of your gross betrayal.   When I see you; I don't feel anything. We are both so cordial to each other when our paths cross.

But, some nights I dream that you have me pressed face first against the wall of my bedroom. You grab and lift my hair so you can kiss that sensitive spot high up on my upper back.  You slowly run your tongue down my spine until you reach the top of my bum. There you gently kiss and lick my ass cheeks. When I start to shiver you give both cheeks playful nips before turning me around.

I go up on my toes to meet your lips. You embrace me tightly and you make me almost breathless with you kisses. You stop suddenly and I start thinking that this is where you usually lead me to the bed.

But instead you start kissing me again. You leave my lips and continue to kiss me down to my neck and across my shoulders. Then you lick and gently bite my nips and tease my nip rings with your tongue. Which makes me quickly draw in my breath. My ck jumps higher as you slide down my body until you're on your knees.

I look down and you're looking up at me, as your hands slowly rub my ass and outer thighs. You ask me what do I want. I tell you to taste me...

You start to lick my ck from underneath and each side of the shaft and finally you lick the tip and swirl your tongue all around the head.  I tell you that I want more.

That's when with one quick motion; You swallow me. You pull back and forth on my shaft and it feels so good that I stretch my arms out with the back of my hands high on the wall. Knuckles   sounding out a beat that's almost tribal.

The rush is almost here, when I feel your hands slide up my thighs and grab my butt cheeks again.  Without letting the tip of my shaft out of your mouth; You slide a finger that's moistened with my own pre-cum deep inside of me. I moane with delight as you take me over the edge. I always wake up as soon as I come. I lay there and smile as I drift off again. 

I may not love you anymore and there's probably not a chance in hell that you'll ever get to make love to me again. I know I can't control my dreams and It doesn't shame me at all.

It's just that there's something about you being on your knees in a subservient position that makes me smile

Thanks for reading my blog.

Posted by stardancer at 10:03 PM EDT

Updated: Tuesday, 3 June 2008 10:52 PM EDT

Share This Post

Post Comment | Permalink